Even if Not

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“Even if not, He is still good. But if not, we will serve Him still. If this be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and He will deliver us out of your hand, O king. BUT IF NOT, be it known to you, O king, that we will NOT serve your gods or worship the golden image that you have set up.” - Daniel 3:17-18

My name is Taylor. My husband, Evan, and I have been married almost 6 years and have a beautiful daughter Olivia “Livi” Grace, 3 years old.

I can say this now after enduring our season of infertility.

My husband and I began our journey to child-bear early into our marriage. We tried on our own for about 1-2 years before seeking fertility treatment. There are SOOO MANY OPTIONS in the world of fertility! And one day I plan talk more about this in greater detail. But for today, I want to encourage you that even in the no, God is STILL good!

We endured years of this season of “no” from the Lord. We started out with ovulation medications, which did not work. Then attempted IUI (intra-uterine insemination) procedures, which also did not work. Those 4 to almost 5 years were very trying and difficult at times. I do not like to cry; nor do I like people to see me cry. But I learned, especially during this season, it was okay to cry. I had to not only accept this current season of no, but I had to mourn the loss of pregnancy, the loss of a biological child - my dream.

The physical and emotional pain was so great that avoiding it all just made things worse. I read a book called Infertility: Finding God’s Peace in the Journey. And through her book, Lois Flowers helped me realize how much of an idol I had made pregnancy and biological children. I had put all my hopes, dreams, and wishes into wanting a biological child, that it was hindering my relationship with the Lord. The main reason I was devastated after all the failed attempts and tests was because I was resting in my hope, salvation, and significance in my own performance and ability to conceive and birth a child. I hope you understand that this was not a one time, one moment event where it was just poof! and now I feel better. No, this HURT! I built up a lot of anger that I had to “give up” my dream. I had a sense of well, its ME!/I should get this/I deserve this type behavior. (Which is just not true!) I prayed and prayed and prayed for this not to be so. Then, I prayed and prayed and prayed for God to change my heart, because that was the only way I could see His beauty and perfect character. This was the only way He could begin to heal me and shape me more into His image. After the anger, the deep mourning and acceptance began. I had to mourn the fact that I may never birth a child. That I may never get the “pregnancy glow,” the “uncomfortable” baby kicks, or the morning sickness. I know all these things may sound silly, but all of my life I had longed for such a day. This was the first time I had to really endure a trial and it not go away in a week. But God is so good. He continued to cover me and speak to me. 

Even if not, He is still good. But if not, we will serve Him still.

“If this be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and He will deliver us out of your hand, O king. BUT IF NOT, be it known to you, O king, that we will NOT serve your gods or worship the golden image that you have set up.” Daniel 3:17-18.  

We serve an amazing God! He has the power to raise from death to life, tear down mighty walls, grant gracious gifts to His children, turn away his anger, and grant forgiveness and comfort. We serve a Mighty King! Jesus, our Mighty King, laid His life down for his enemies, sacrificed himself on a cross to save poor sinners like me, rose again from the dead abolishing death’s grip and raising us to life with Him. We serve a Holy Spirit who allows Christ to live inside of us, who speaks to us, advocates on our behalf, comforts us, rests alongside us during various trials. May we praise our Holy Father.

“But if not…”  -- This powerful phrase is the climax in the story of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego.

For King Nebuchadnezzar longed to be worshiped and have control over his people to worship his golden images. He threatened to throw any who oppose him into the fiery furnace. Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego knew that God was bigger than man, even this king. They saw that God was greater than any trouble they were facing. They had been sentence to death through a fiery furnace because they would not obey the law of the land. They saw it better to serve God than worship any idol. They saw it was better to please God than man. (Galatians 1:10) The believed God’s truth over the world’s threats like other believers. “some were tortured, refusing to accept release, so that they might rise again to a better life.” (Hebrews 11:35) “By faith Moses, when he was grown up, refused to be called the son of Pharaoh’s daughter, choosing rather to be mistreated with the people of God than to enjoy the fleeting pleasures of sin. He considered the reproach of Christ greater wealth than the treasures of Egypt, for he was looking to the reward.” (Hebrews 11:24-26)

Their faith in God’s provision is an incredible testimony for me. Do you know how good God is? Is your faith in Him like these believers who have gone before us?! I know during a season of trial and hardship it may be hard to believe God’s truth. It’s easier to believe the lies of the world: we are not good enough...if only I do this I will be happy. But frankly, that is not true. The truth is that God is greater! And He is full with love and grace! Know that God’s Holy Spirit is interceding for you! Know that God is going before you and perfecting your faith to bring him glory!

I’m praying over you today, sweet friend. Praying that our God of comfort and covers you today and all the more! (2 Corinthians 1:3-5)

- Taylor Nicolosi

Courtney Longnecker